The case of the coconut crab
by Sigmu
Summary: Ever After High campus has been overrun by a creature of foreign origin! However Raven doesn't feel up to solving this one, and Apple is questioning the need for their involvement in the first place. Warning: Rapple, Yuri, gayness.
1. Chapter 1

A/n: Just a thought; you'd think that there would be a point where both Apple and Raven got a little sick of having to almost constantly be the ones to solve all of these random catastrophes when they are surrounded by people who should be just as competent to fix these very same issues themselves… I don't know, maybe it's just me but sometimes I get the feeling that in the websodes Raven just has to stop every once and a while and ask no one in particular why she's the one whose always in the spotlight when drama goes down and suddenly everyone turns to herself and Apple (if Apple just so happens to be around that is) with the automatic assumption that they will make things all better right away…

I'd imagine that kind of expectation and peer pressure would get old pretty quick, especially for Raven (Apple might be more used to it because of having to grow up with control freak Snow White as a mother. Yeek).

And also I discovered what coconut crabs are! (Google: coconut crab on a trashcan. I dare you.)

XXX

"No, 'm not getting out of bed today!" Raven grumped clinging to the covers she had cocooned herself inside.

"What has gotten into you today?" Apple asked her roommate (and recent girlfriend) in bewilderment as she tugged uselessly at the witch's cloth shield.

"It's all lining up again!" The witch despaired. "Every time a little crazy out of place thing happens around here it turns into a major situation and I'm always dragged into it! I'm sick of it! It's bad enough that I get almost no privacy anymore with the near constant freaking never-ending crisis involving me refusing to become the Evil Queen and the Rebel group that I have been unofficially named the leader of, but every time there is a different crisis around here I am pushed into the forefront and am just expected to solve everything at the drop of a hat! It's happening again and I want no part of it! There is a full school filled with future kings and queens, _they_ are fully capable of taking care of things _themselves_!"

"Is this about that infestation of fairy-fluffs last week?" Apple queried in exasperation (Raven had to be the only person in the school who was terrified of the relatively harmless balls of cooing fluff that many fairies regarded as common house pets).

"They feast off of dead things!" Raven exclaimed. "They'll feast on their own owners as long as they're dead first you know! And they've got the personality of a carnivorous eel! Their cute and cuddly appearance is a lie! And here they were all trying to hunt me down just so that I could fix the problem instead of putting their heads together and using common sense for themselves! They didn't even try to contact you to fix things! _Why_? You're the future golden girl queen of this place!"

"That was because I was busy trying to pry my petrified girlfriend from the ceiling scaffolding and had left my ringing phone on the ground." Apple reminded dryly. "I never knew that your magic could make you jump that high when you got frightened enough."

"Neither did I!" The witch defended.

"I know you didn't." Apple cooed sympathetically. Admittedly the situation would have been much more funny if the other hadn't been so badly frightened. "But isn't it nice to know that there are people who can count on you? That people look up to you for being a leader?"

"Sometimes but not always." Raven growled lowly. "I never _asked_ to be the leader of anything if you will recall and sometimes it just isn't worth acting like a leader because as soon as everything is all said and done lately I don't even get a thank you! Here, where some of the brightest future leaders of entire countries, sometimes _worlds_ , are being trained, and nobody aside from you and Maddie ever really pull it together enough to help me out when I'm obviously stumped? I don't know what I'm doing half the time! None of the stuff we have to fix is covered in our textbooks!"

Apple heaved a sigh. "So what's the crisis this time?" The princess asked apprehensively, having been dragged into these situations along with the witch most of the time. "And what's gotten you to rebel on the campus's crisis today?" Apple sensed that there was more to this than Raven just feeling used.

"Remember how yesterday Sparrow was looking into some special effects for his latest concert and he had made Duchess mad for calling her ideas too dumb to even consider?" Raven grumbled taking out her phone and turning it on, it immediately started to beep and ring as people tried to get ahold of her but the witch ignored it in favor of pulling up Blondie's blog. "Well while you were in the shower it was revealed that little scuffle had somehow evolved into this." The witch stated holding up her phone for the princess to see.

" ** _The residents of Ever After high are in a panic after waking up this morning to these creepy creatures terrorizing the campus_**!" Blondie's chipper voice proclaimed before the camera was trained on one of the mentioned creatures.

"YEEEEK!" Apple screamed jumping back from the phone's screen. " _What the freaking hex is that thing_?"

"Coconut crab." Raven informed calmly, turning off her phone again. "I recognize it because one of the island nations that used to be one of my country's colonies is infested with thousands of them every year after the second raining season brings them out of the forests and into the villages, they crawl all over everything, even climbing trees. They're known for taking coconuts from the highest trees and randomly dropping the fruit down to the ground so that the hard shell will crack and they can get at the meat inside, having one hex of a slicing pinch with those massive claws of theirs- so take care not to get your fingers too close please-, and they actually taste pretty good when cooked. Though you do tend to get sick of crab meat after a while…"

"They _climb_ things?" The princess shrilled in horror. "They won't climb buildings will th-?"

Apple is cut off when both girls hear a light thumping and scratching sounds coming from one of the open windows where a particularly large crab has found the window ledge and curiously tries to crawl it's way in.

The witch startles when the princess shrieks and uses a few colorful words that Raven wasn't even aware that Apple _knew_ let alone would ever _speak_ out loud, before the princess dove to where the two kept their croquet gear and then launches herself at the crustacean with a flamingo club held high over her head and a war cry escaping from her teeth-bared painted lips.

The crab puts up a noble fight to stay on the ledge and get into the room but the princess's disgust over its creepy appearance and the fact that it was trying to get into their _dorm_ and therefore _her_ domain is a far more powerful driving force and soon the girl sends the creature flying to it's demise with one last mighty swing of the club.

The princess is practically a blur after that, closing and locking balcony doors and windows alike, rearranging furniture to barricade the critters slowly crawling over the balcony railing outside from coming inside, and as an afterthought Apple takes a desk chair and fixes it under the handle of the front door, muttering hateful things about anybody who _dares_ show up to drag them out into the fray of the invasion of the multi-legged shelled things from the bottommost pits of watery hell.

"So I take it that we're staying in today?" Raven asks almost hopefully, because there was still a chance that Apple will send Raven out in order to annihilate the enemy, for once in her life, like the Evil ruthless ruler Raven was born to pretend to be!

…And because Raven was the designated pest control expert of the dorm (spiders, flies, and mosquitoes never stood a chance as long as Raven was in the room because apparently the same genetic hiccup that made flowers wilt if she exhaled a certain way also worked on bugs! It was the disposal of their unconscious bodies that was the gross part). Which was fine because Raven was paid for her troubles in favors, and recently, in kisses, and the witch supposed that she wouldn't _mind_ being recruited by Apple to take care of the current problem if it meant that _Apple_ would be happy with her for getting rid of the things…

Although not without a token bit of false reluctance, it wouldn't do for Apple to know this early on in their relationship the exact extent of how far Raven would go to make the girl happy (it's not like the witch would instantly jump off a cliff if Apple told her to with the promises of kisses and such if Raven survived. No, Raven would go find a parachute or secure a climbing rope to nail into the rock first, _then_ she would jump), actually showing too much enthusiasm for the simple promise of a kiss and gratitude might end up worrying Apple a little, because Raven knew that Apple would never dream of using any influence that she had over Raven (now) to try to manipulate the witch into doing something Raven didn't want to do (like becoming the next Evil Queen).

And sometimes, with their past ever-fresh in Apple's mind, the princess can't help but occasionally, very gently and with calculated care, test Raven to make sure that the witch is still her usual rebellious self and that what they have together is on equal ground, because after the dragon games fiasco with Raven's mother Apple had some sort of epiphany about just what exactly the world would have been like if Raven had been evil and that the whole Evil Queen Raven thing wasn't nearly as romantic an idea as it had been initially advertised.

And also that Apple really truly loves the version of Raven that she's currently got and she's apparently dead set and determined to keep her just the way she is.

Raven may or may not have swooned once this realization had finally hit her squarely in the heart.

The witch breaks from her musings and tries to appear innocent (except for the fact that she can't stop grinning like a loon) when the princess snaps her head towards the other with an almost feral look.

"You ask that after I just locked us both in?" Apple demands dryly.

Raven can't help but grin wider as she shrugs her shoulders.

Apple glances over to the balcony through the windowed doors and shudders. "A future queen of Ever After I may be, however I am not an exterminator. And while my inherited powers over semi-controlling many groups animals to do my bidding is impressive, giant tick-crab-demon-looking creatures are not the type of animals that are in my repertoire- nor do I wish to try to get them to be-, and I can name off the top of my head over a dozen fairytale characters currently enrolled in this school who have ample ability to rid us of these pests in no time if they put their minds to it. There is no need for us to go out."

"Do you think that it will take them long to figure it out?" Raven mused speculatively.

"Who knows." Apple shrugged as if she was beginning to care less and less about the situation as long as it was solved before they ran out of things to eat. "However I do know that after seeing one of those things face to- …claw I feel like taking another shower…"

The princess blushed bright red and shifted on her feet agitatedly as a thought struck her; she had just taken a shower which meant that the amount of hot water they had left would not be enough for Raven too unless…

The princess pinched herself before taking a big breath. "D-do you- maybe… we can s-save what's left of the hot water? That is if you um… want to… together? We're both girls after all, even though we are dating and… everything-"

"S-sure!" The answer was out of Raven's mouth before the other could finish, before the witch's brain had a chance to fully think this through.

The princess seemed to relax slightly. "There isn't enough hot water for us to take separate showers so…" Apple shrugged. "Sorry for the inconvenience."

"No inconvenience at all." Raven coughed, sharply trying to remind her raging hormones that the other's reasoning were probably just based on innocent deduction, and tried not to think about the fact that ever since they had started dating they hadn't even gotten dressed in front of each other…

"Okay great, I've always wanted to play with your hair." Apple coughed, dragging the dazed witch behind her as they disappeared into the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: I've decided that this all takes place sometime before my other fic; The Case of the Illusive Raven.

XXX

"Do you think that they'll eventually stop knocking on our door?" Apple almost hissed vexingly at the dull thuds and the muffled shouting floating in through the closed bathroom door and from the locked front door. The princess huffed and rubbed her fingers along Raven's bare flank soothingly, the witch had startled at the noise and had seemed to try to both burry herself into Apple's chest (and not in the fun sort of way much to the princess's growing disappointment) and hide her body as far under the bath water as she could go without obstructing her mouth or nose.

"I'm more worried about them breaking in." Raven murmured in a near fearful voice, imaginings of people bursting through the doors with the intent to turn their anger out on the bad example Rebel Queen… or to gape in utter shock at her and Apple's current compromising position flashing across the witch's mind.

She could almost see the headline on Blondie's news show; DAUGHTER OF THE EVIL QUEEN DEFILES EVER AFTER'S FAIREST PRINCESS.

Raven said as much to Apple who in turn snorted in a half-embarrassed manner and pointed out to the witch that she was pretty certain that _she_ had been the one to defile Raven in this case, punctuating the point by sliding her hand south on the Witch's body and causing Raven to squeak.

Apple rolled her eyes. "Honestly they are acting like such children!" She growled lowly. "If this keeps up I'm going to have a serious talking to with several key individuals who should have had the sense to take the initiative by now."

"I'm sure that it won't come to that." Raven assured peeking her head up slightly from the water, knowing the full extent of the scariness of Apple's little known, but legendary temper, and the thought of that being turned on to the unsuspecting people outside made the witch feel a little safer.

"This almost feels like trying to teach little kids a lesson by not giving in." Apple sighed. "I am far too young to be a mother to a bunch of teenagers." She mourned. "And it doesn't help that you keep enabling your Rebel faction by practically babying them by the way."

"I don't baby them, I just…" Raven trailed off trying to think of a word.

"Pat their heads and kiss their boo boos all better." Apple finished flatly. "Don't deny it, I saw you do just that after that manticore and rockslide incident."

"Daring was the one who wanted his scrapes kissed better." Raven defended weakly. "He had hit his head and the drugs the healers gave him made him all weepy and child-like, I couldn't just say no to the guy when he was in that state."

"And the fact that the Rebel freshmen have started to call you mom?" Apple raised a brow.

"… Uh… they were trying to be funny?" Raven winced because he had been given the chance to gently veto that nickname but didn't in the face of so many begging faces.

"You big softy." Apple chuckled fondly.

XXX

It had taken almost two and a half days for someone to come up with something that had ended up in the eviction of the uninvited crustaceans. Which had been Melody Piper and Sparrow Hood working together with the students in charge of the PA news systems to lure all the crabs into a large sealable container to store them until they could figure out what to do with them (the popular opinion at the moment, which had been suggested by Ginger, was to have one big crab cookout for the entire school but since it was still fuzzy on just where exactly the crustaceans had come from and whether or not they were considered an endangered species from said place they were from).

"It was about time that you guys figured something out." Apple eyed the people sitting at the table in disappointment making several individuals look down shamefaced into their food because when Apple was disappointed in someone it almost felt as if rainbows and little puppies were disappointed in them too (Raven was obviously one of the few people that was immune to this shaming tactic thus leaving Apple no choice but to find other tactics when verbally sparring with the witch). "Raven and I were running out of the weekly stash of food we keep in the dorm for our between-class-snacks to eat as meals. And we weren't sure just when the Headmaster would lift his emergency no-school-because-of-unforeseeable-circumstance days, forcing us to wander out in order to get to class."

"If you were so inconvenienced then why didn't you two come out to help take care of this huh?" Duchess demanded, venom dripping in her tone. "We could have used the help you know, it took forever to find Sparrow to help Melody Piper record that tune that got rid of the things! What were you doing in there all this time anyway? "

Raven blushed bright red and nearly choked on her drink. "Find Sparrow?" She coughed out to distract everyone from her reaction.

"He took to the trees the first while." Humphrey explained. "Then he discovered that the crabs could climb trees so he hid in several other places to get away from them, since there were only a few hundred that had been brought here to the campus he was able to be free of them the deeper he ventured into the forest. His cousin Cerise eventually found him hiding out at her mother's place."

"That was clever of him." Apple mumbled in approval (still blushing from the first question), much to the surprise of the table.

"What?" Briar asked bewildered.

The blonde princess sighed. "To answer the previously asked question I have to first ask how long it took you guys to come up with a solution to this?"

The table shifted in confusion.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Duchess snapped irritably.

"Everything." The princess snapped back just as irritably, surprising the dancer into stunned silence with the uncharacteristic coldness and force of it.

"Er…" Dexter shifted meekly from his seat at the farthest corner away from Raven.

The witch had terminated their brief relationship at what was supposed to have been their fourth date, citing that it was for the best after she had begun to complain about the lack of privacy their fledgling relationship had with the school's populace; chiefly she was highly disturbed by the fact that people were beginning to drop hints about forever after's and children after a few measly exploratory dates and was just on the edge from thinking that the whole thing that they had was just not worth it and Dexter had misinterpreted her body language for insecurity that she didn't think that she'd be _pretty enough_ , or something of that sort, to be dating a Charming (which had been his experience with his brother's old girlfriends being hesitant about starting a relationship with Daring), and sought to assure her that he thought that she'd look fantastic in white and more than one child would assuage any wagging tongues about conflicting duel destinies.

Dexter had (obviously) interpreted the witch's body language very, _very_ wrongly which had resulted in an _immediate_ quietly hushed (and nearly hysterically terrified) break up speech from the witch and Raven practically _flying_ out of the restaurant and high speeds, the whole thing had been so out of the blue (for Dexter) and had happened so quickly that the boy's brain didn't register that he should retract his statements or to chase after the departed girl until it was too late and Raven was far, far away.

Dexter never got up the nerve to try to smooth things over with the witch (because, yeah, he understood that this had been his fault. Treating the Raven Queen just like she was like some sort of perfectly scripted maiden instead of the independent beautiful individual she actually was) it didn't help that Raven seemed very keen on putting it all behind her as if it were a scrapped bad idea that should be forgotten (and throwing away the last chances Dexter had to regain his dream romance with his dream girl).

Though she had attempted to assure Dexter (from a distance because Dexter couldn't bear to have the girl get too close these days for fear that he'd spontaneously burst into tears in her presence) that she still cared for him in a caring-friendship capacity and if he ever wanted to try being friends again in the future he'd always be welcome and she still cared for him an a platonic bromance sort of way.

Dexter hadn't wanted to talk things out and reestablish their platonic friendship (if it could be called a platonic friendship since he'd had a majorly serious crush that had turned into love for the girl for so long he didn't even think that there _ever was_ a platonic bromance on his end) yet, he was still too busy mourning over his lost pride and what was supposed to be his one chance at a perfectly epic romance with the girl of his dreams.

Said girl of his dreams who was currently quietly encouraging Cupid (his platonic bromance gal who apparently had a major crush on him! Or at least that had been the situation that he'd accidentally overheard between the two girls one day at lunch) to see if she could make things work with Dexter after he was over Raven…

He didn't know what hurt worse; that he lost his chance with the perfect girl, the fact that she was being a complete sweetheart and respecting his obviously hurt feelings with the same loving care that one would apply to an open, seeping, and burnt dragon bite, or that his best friend had a crush on him and the girl of his dreams was encouraging Cupid, a girl he had bromance feelings for, to be… he didn't want to say replacement because Raven would never intentionally do that to him but…

"You've got something to say Dexter?" Raven prompted gently and with extreme care, as if she were afraid to frighten the boy.

Dexter winced. "W-well it took us a half an hour actually… not counting the time it took us having to find Sparrow…"

"After we realized that you and Raven had abandoned us." Duchess sneered.

"And how long did it take to round up all of the crabs?" Apple pressed on, ignoring Duchess completely, causing the dancer to twitch irritably at the act.

"Over the course of the morning…" Dexter trailed off.

"So my question is; if the answer to this problem was so obvious why did you all waste time waiting for me and Raven to show up and solve it for you?" Apple asked with a raised brow, her tone was light and innocent however her gaze was highly unimpressed (the resulting effect was pretty creepy). "Last I checked this was a school filled with brilliant future rulers, so why I ask, is it our fault for this thing not being taken care of quicker in the opinions of certain persons- _including a certain swan who had summoned the ghastly things in the first place_ \- if there were so many people who were even more qualified than we to take care of the situation from the very start? Last I checked we are neither the headmistresses nor the supreme overlords of this school; it is simply not our jobs to have to be constantly dragged to and fro to solve other people's problems without even a prayer of a thank you. Simply put we were not qualified to have to deal with this pest situation and so we did not do anything."

The table was quiet for a moment, everyone sitting in stunned silence.

"It's not that we don't care." Raven was quick to add. "It's just that aside from situations where we have little other choice or are the best candidates to deal with the problem… we really think that grabbing one of us to deal with every crazy thing that pops up is… well it's gotten to be a bit too much to ask of us… to the point where I was struggling to keep up with my schoolwork at one time actually…" That is until Apple had taken it upon herself to help out the witch, going as far as encourage Raven to study harder for a period of time in order to test out of many of the witch's mandatory Evil classes and thus lightening her workload.

"And for the past few months I've barely heard a single thank you from most of you." Apple added in sharp reprimand, getting a little bit worked up. "Which is very rude considering we are taking time out of our lives to do nice things for you guys."

"I guess that I can see your point." Briar shrugged easily, many heads from the table nodding in agreement.

"But Apple's the future Snow White and Raven's the Rebel Queen." Daring pointed out as if that was a decent excuse as to why the two girls were constantly being called into action. He seemed to be confused as to why the two were complaining about what had essentially became, as far as the student body was concerned and therefore practically law in his mind as long as it stayed popular, their official duties to the school.

"And if memory serves me true many others hold royal titles and therefore have equal capabilities to right wrongs, you for instance are supposed to become the next Prince Charming and after that a king, not to the kingdom of Ever After as recent events have shown, but a king to somewhere and therefore you, like many other future leaders, have the responsibility to be competent and work towards a solution during a crisis… unless my impression of how a Prince Charming is supposed to act is flawed of course…" Apple gave the prince a chilly smile as she spoke, batting her lashes innocently when the boy looked as though he had just been slapped.

"Hopper came up with the solution this time around!" Dexter reported cheerfully.

"Really?" Raven perked up. "Excellent work Hopper! I'm super impressed, you did a fantastic job with this!" The witch addressed the boy in question.

"O-oh it really wasn't anything special, just had to use a bit of common sense was all." Hopper blushed looking bashful.

"Well a little common sense can travel a long way. I'm super proud of you!" The witch praised.

The rest of the table erupted in rounds of praise for Hopper and his good work after the witch had spoken (excluding Daring who was pouting something awful for not only being scolded so soundly but also being deliberately left out of the spotlight).

"I guess many of us have been rather lazy as of late." Lizzie admitted once things had died down. "It's not exactly fair of us to simply expect for others to constantly take care of things for us."

Both Apple and Raven appeared to relax by fractions when the others (save for Daring) seem to sheepishly agree, it's not much but it is a start at the very least.

"Hopefully we'll get a little bit more privacy after this." Apple whispers to Raven after lunch is over and the two are walking hand in hand down the hallway.

The witch blushes from head to toe but can't exactly say that she isn't looking forward to see if such a luxury might happen if things pan out just right…


End file.
